Very useful, exactly the sorts of comments I need.
1. I'll have to go back over that and see what I can make clearer.
2. I cut out a good bit of physical description when it didn't seem relevant to the scene. So, in trying to avoid the "She tossed her raven hair out of her chocolate brown eyes and wiped the sweat from her glistening tan skin" sort of thing I've gone too far in the other direction.
3. Well, from this I was hoping a reader would get the fact that she was in charge and comfortable with that, competent, respected by higher ups, permits a bit of cheekiness from Nakhti so she isn't a total stick up the butt type (foreshadows her relationship with Ranuel a little)even if at times she may seem that way later, and has past experience with the area she's going into.
4. Heneter and Nakhti have a long history beyond serving together but you don't know that and just having him be familiar with her in private is apparently not working so I need to put something in to indicate that. Without an info dump.
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Date: 2007-03-05 10:57 am (UTC)1. I'll have to go back over that and see what I can make clearer.
2. I cut out a good bit of physical description when it didn't seem relevant to the scene. So, in trying to avoid the "She tossed her raven hair out of her chocolate brown eyes and wiped the sweat from her glistening tan skin" sort of thing I've gone too far in the other direction.
3. Well, from this I was hoping a reader would get the fact that she was in charge and comfortable with that, competent, respected by higher ups, permits a bit of cheekiness from Nakhti so she isn't a total stick up the butt type (foreshadows her relationship with Ranuel a little)even if at times she may seem that way later, and has past experience with the area she's going into.
4. Heneter and Nakhti have a long history beyond serving together but you don't know that and just having him be familiar with her in private is apparently not working so I need to put something in to indicate that. Without an info dump.
Missing bits are always good to point out to me.